At the end of the article, I’ve given an update 👶🏻

Let’s start!

The best thing about pregnancy hormones is how you have absolutely zero tolerance for BS. You say what you want to, as it is.

No sugar coating.

So I’ll start by saying the most important bit - I don’t like kids.

I don’t just not like them, I dislike them immensely. And I’m unabashed about showing that whenever a child comes up to me.

I love babies. I love baby and toddler videos. I even love baby and dog videos!

But as an impatient Gemini, I’ve never looked at a child and thought - yes, I want that! I want your noise, tantrums, and energy. I’m quite sensitive to overstimulation, which is why you don’t see me in clubs or around kids.

However, when I look back at my childhood when things were rough between my parents, I remember thinking…

I want to create a happy home someday.

So there’s an innate need for that for sure.

Btw, there’s a YouTube video I recorded as well:

Living in a fairytale

The thing is…I’ve been so lost in my ambition since 2020 that the only future planning I did was around work and travel.

Life has been nothing short of a fairytale since 2022.

We travel to 5-8 countries a year for at least 8 weeks in total. My business has been on an uphill trajectory.

I did projects I never thought I could, worked with excellent people across the globe (Authentic Influence folks - I am looking at you), and created wealth I couldn’t believe was real. Suddenly, I could buy all these wishlist items I dreamt of (except a penthouse that’s on my list).

This came to a level where I eventually stopped buying stuff because I realised that ‘things’ don’t make me happy anymore.

I live a life with great time freedom.

I do what I want, when I want, work with people from across the world and only do the work that fulfils me. This is wealth to me.

If this isn’t the dream, then what is?

Why would I want this to pause?

The only thing I planned was that I would probably have a child at 30 because

• Somewhere deep inside, I’ve promised my inner child to experience a happy home someday, which is full of love.

• Jai, my husband, deserves to be a dad. He has a lot of love to give!

• I think I’ll be fairly decent too as a mum…(?)😆

  ---

Why am I writing this…?

My reason for writing this is that when I was in the middle of a breakdown in my first trimester, I asked my mom,

“Why does nobody talk about how hard it is? It’s so bloody difficult.”

To which, she replied,

“Humare zamane mein baat nahi karte thhe.”
(Translation: we didn’t talk about such stuff during our time.)

And with time, I spoke to more women who had similar experiences to me but didn’t talk about it. Not even to their partners, because of their fear of being judged.

So here I am, to write it.

Because I can.

And saying things that need to be said is kinda what I also do for a living. With zero fear of judgment, which is why I started this article by saying something borderline offensive :)

Also, I couldn’t believe women have been going through this for ages. It’s SO hard. I have massive respect for every mother out there after this experience.

Please stop saying motherhood is every woman’s purpose 🙄

I also want to say that I don’t think parenthood is any human’s purpose.

And motherhood isn’t a woman’s purpose.

I feel this is shoved down upon us from a place of lack of awareness and ikigai. Doing something just because you ‘have to’ or because it’s what everyone does.

As someone who has a well-defined purpose and has been chasing it for half a decade, I think motherhood will add to my life, but it isn’t my only purpose.

So don’t let society guilt-trip you!

Motherhood could definitely be a purpose if you are aware and aligned for it to be your purpose. Just like everything else, purpose comes from a place of awareness.

The shock

On May 02 was my mom’s birthday, where she said,

“It sucks how all of us have our birthdays in summers. Delhi is so hot, and working in this heat is torturous. You have your child in winter, okay?”

I was like… sure.

That evening, I didn’t have a drink.

I was cramping, certain that it was that time of the month. So kinda just didn’t feel like drinking.

The next morning, I woke up and took a pregnancy test. I don’t know why, just did. There was a faint line.

That was also the time I used ChatGPT for the first time to ask if I’m pregnant.

It said yes. My eyes must’ve popped out of my sockets at that moment.

I told Jai, who was asleep, and then told him to go back to sleep (lol). I went to my home office to kick off my day with meditation, chanting, and work. Also booked a blood test as ChatGPT recommended.

I was thinking it’s a false positive.

We went out for a movie and dinner that evening. Jai and my mum were so impatient that time!

I prayed to the Universe not to release the results during dinner because I didn’t want any negative energy to come onto the food I am eating 😆 It’s a thing, trust me!

Result: I was pregnant.

I was happy that day. And a few weeks ahead. Life was usual, here’s me 4 days later at 5 weeks pregnant:

Until the hormones kicked in and I experienced the worst mental battle of my entire life.

The one unexpected thing -

I didn‘t have body dysmorphia, and I’m usually quite body dysmorphic. Being a fat kid growing up, it’s all I feel.

I was working out.

Life was great.

The beginning of a downward spiral

After 8 weeks of pregnancy, everything went downhill.

Suddenly, looking at food made me want to vomit. I couldn’t eat anything, and Jai being away half the time with his work didn’t help either.

So I moved to my mum’s for 6 weeks.

She gave her everything to take care of me, and I don’t think I can ever do what she did. I can’t be half as giving as her.

I had days where I could barely eat half a toast and had no energy because I wasn’t eating. I could only have milk and curd, both of which I am allergic to. That filled me for a while, only to react hours later.

On a particular weak day, I slept nearly 14 hours.

I spent a lot of my time sleeping, feeling sad, trying to put food in my body, and failing.

Oh, and for 3 weeks out of 8, I had insomnia :))

The darkest part

If you know me, you’d know I’m positive in a way as though I’m built with protons.

Being overly optimistic comes naturally to me. I’m always positive, hardcore into self-improvement, and am conscious of my thoughts and energy.

But during this time, I cried every single night, thinking

• I’m not even 29, so this isn’t according to my plan of conceiving at 30! Lack of control was annoying for me.

• I’ve had PCOS since I was 12, how the heck did we even conceive so quickly???

• Doesn’t everyone say it takes approx a year to conceive? How could it happen when we haven’t even calculated ovulation?!

• I have worked so hard to build my business. What will happen to it?

• I don’t even like kids; I don’t resonate with the term ‘mom’!

• I’m a kid myself, dependent on my mom!

The last one is embarrassing, considering my mom had me a month into turning 20.

I was sad every day.

And no, no amount of the following helped:

• “Think of how many people you know who have struggled to conceive; you’re lucky.”

• “You have PCOS, it’s so good you could get pregnant.”

• “Conception before 30 is highly favourable to your body!

Thinking of others’ misery doesn’t make me feel better about myself. That’s not how I function.

I didn’t expect challenges conceiving when I’d planned to because of my unwavering optimism in life, where I feel the force of life always works for me + I’d been working out and eating healthy since I was 18. My habits around health are next level.

But this…

I’d text my friend Divya every day while she was vacationing in Australia.

Jai came to see me 1-2x a week, and all I’d do is cry when I see him.

This made me realise that who you get pregnant with matters more than pregnancy itself. I’ve always been grateful to the universe for giving me Jai. He’s a great partner and a best friend.

I also don’t recommend using ChatGPT as a therapist.

According to it, I had every single characteristic of prenatal depression.

I didn’t even know that’s a thing! I’d only heard of postpartum depression!

And I didn’t see a therapist either, because I had no energy to take any calls or chat.

And that’s when the famous ‘honeymoon period’ started - the second trimester.

Second-trimester = honeymoon period?

Honestly, nothing in my pregnancy was a honeymoon period for me.

I was still sad. Just not crying every day.

The only plus was

• I could hit the gym

• I was feeling well

• I could eat

We went to Poland in August when I was 5 months pregnant. It was such a lovely time! 11 days of daily hot chocolate, pampering, walking 10km a day and feeling so damn good. Being active made me feel the closest to my normal self.

This was for a ‘babymoon’, which my parents think is a big way to scam the poor husband (adding push-present to the list, too).

I think it’s fair, after all, I’m nearly dying creating this life inside me 😆

I know that sounds magical.

But do I feel magical every single day? Hell no.

My second trimester made me realise - I have been living with someone who wasn’t me.

By the time I came back, to add to it, I was told to leave sugar completely because of recurrent infections + baby’s growth. Though Jai and I are really tall (6.2” and 5.9”) and the baby will be tall, sugar will help us prevent overgrowth that can lead to discomfort for me (and for delivery, later).

(More on sugar in the last section)

A big realisation

It was over 5 months of me being negative, pessimistic, and hopeless.

I am not this person.

But I could not stop being this person either.

I was so angry and reactive, which is so not me. Because I feel anger is like poison, it’s such a strong negative emotion, and the only person it harms is… me.

Why would I do that? I love myself too much to have an event or human harm my physiology and mental health.

However, I was so reactive.

I blasted my closest friends, Mallika and Nikki. Even my dad - multiple times.

But I could at least go out and do normal people things on most days.

I had a complication towards the end, and after 6 months, I reunited with myself.

“We might have to take out your baby, and their lungs aren’t developed.”

I went in for a regular scan on October 20, as I was entering the third trimester.

So far, my pregnancy has been smooth. Sure, I had emotional challenges, but a lot of it is because of hormones and my own shock + feeling of lack of control.

I also didn’t expect anything else.

The universe had other plans, though.

The doctor said,

“Your umbilical artery restrition is high at 98 percentile. If it stops or reverses, we’ll have to perform an emergency C-section. The baby’s lungs aren’t developed, so take steroid injections so the baby can breathe.”

My mom and I had tears in our eyes. And while we’re as close as sisters, the weird thing is she doesn’t cry in front of me or express her emotions.

It makes me wonder why ‘being strong’ is so ingrained in generations before us. Nobody gets a bravery award for braving it out, you know?

I Facetimed my nani, who was then in America and kept crying to her. I thought I wouldn’t tell a soul. Only to call Mallika crying, and a week later, I told my other close friends too.

With this terrible news, I became the absolute positive nut that I was!

I discovered something fun about myself in this - when shit goes down, I’m calm and stable.

Support system strong

During my pregnancy, I saw that my support system was rock solid.

My mom was my #1 hero. She was the force that kept me going - physically and figuratively.

My boarding school friends are the best people in the world. They’re so far away from me, yet the closest.

And then I have a small bunch of folks who constantly check up on me.

I also feel that it takes a village to not just raise a child but also to care of a pregnant woman.

I felt blessed with the best.

Third trimester

In my third trimester, everything turned good.

(Finally, after forever)

• I was thinking positively

• Finished all my work till April’26

• I ate lots of healthy food naturally

• Set up systems for my work to run in the background

• Even had some of my highest-paying months!

• I’m actually sleeping 7-8 hours a night!

• My nani came back from America, and we spent hours together.

I’m working out every day and clocking in 3.5-5k steps.

I am afraid of both the delivery methods!

I wish we had different options. Like a printout. Even better if the entire baby-making thing can be done in a dish outside instead of a long 9-month pregnancy.

I had times where I’d feel better thinking that thank God I’m not an elephant, because their gestation periods can go up to 22 months.

(Yes, I was looking up gestation periods in animals to feel better about myself!)

In case you’re wondering, I’m also not afraid of my dislike towards kids.

Since then, there’s been a weird sense of attachment and protectiveness. Like, I am that person who has a list of ‘rules to visit my newborn’ printed on my door. Not being afraid of judgment makes you a lioness.

Also, everyone says you love your own.

To think of it…I’m also terrified of dogs because I’ve been attacked three times growing up, but I love my dad’s dog 🤷🏻‍♀️

TL;DR

Here are some lessons from my pregnancy summed up:

1. Who you get pregnant with matters. Choose a life partner carefully!

2. Your support system matters. If I didn’t have my mom with me, I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this.

3. First-trimester hormones can make you go absolutely crazy because they are rising so rapidly. Don’t judge yourself.

4. It’s okay to not want to have a kid, or to have one later.

5. Initial feelings of dislike that you’ve conceived or fear about your career are normal. More women than I imagined have shared such feelings.

6. There are solutions before problems. I haven’t worked for since month 9 and have been reading every day and binge-watching movies because I found a way to finish all my work for 5 months.

7. Let yourself feel things. Ignore all BS like you’re blessed or pregnancy is magical or something. I have only seen elders say that who were pregnant decades ago and have forgotten their experience 🙄

8. Every pregnancy is different, and being pregnant is a great lesson on how we shouldn’t judge women and parents.

9. The second trimester is a honeymoon phase for most, but the third trimester is better for me. I slept for 7-9 hours every night and was super comfortable.

10. I didn’t watch any YouTube videos or Instagram reels on pregnancy and parenting. Highly recommend!

11. Take help if you are spiralling, don’t be like me.

12. Movies have marketed pregnancy incorrectly. That tub of ice cream creates a harmful environment for the baby - eat well instead.

I mean…. who am I to give ‘lessons’? I’ve been quite miserable because I feel like I’ve spent an entire year being sick lol.

Signing off

I can pop any time.

I don’t even know how to keep a little thing alive.

Heck, the thought of changing diapers disgusts me. And I don’t know how I’ll survive without sleep.

My Photos app has been showing me ‘memories’ - 2 years ago, during this time, I was in Thailand. In one of the photos, I’m ripped with abs. Right now, I weigh 18 kgs more than that, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be that ripped again.

The last time I lost 25 kgs was 10 years ago. I’m not afraid of the process because I’m disciplined AF, but I don’t know if it’s biologically possible to be ripped post childbirth?

I don’t know what work I’ll do when I return to work.

But what I do know is that before 2025 ends, I’ll be lighter and done with my pregnancy.

That’s comforting enough :)

I’ve ALSO realised that we can do everything in our capacity, but there’s an ultimate plan that’s crafted out already.

So why stress if you can flow.

The force of the universe is always moving in your favour.

Love,
N

Quick update:

Our baby girl Rabnoor was born on Dec 19, 2025.

Exactly a year earlier, my mum-in-law passed. My due date was Jan 05, 2026. I strongly believe Rabnoor was God’s plan, and I didn’t even believe as much in God until she came in.

Was it all worth it?

Hell yes - holding her was the most beautiful feeling in the world. ❤️

So I guess now I know why women have been going through this, because you forget all the pain when you hold the little life you’ve created. That feels magical.

It all started in 2014 when I started university and realised I’d expanded to a point of no return. While I stand tall at 5.9”, I began to look square-ish. I also had PCOD since I was 12, and when uni started, I wanted to finally make a difference.

I was tired of being overweight all my life.

It left dents in my self-worth that I’m still undoing bit by bit.

Anyhoo, coming to the happy stuff - here are 11 lessons I’ve learnt along the way.

Oh, here’s an old before-and-after weight-loss photo:

1. When I was on a journey to drop 25kgs, it was much easier to adopt the mindset of 'do it because you love your body and want to be healthy' instead of doing it from a place of anger or disgust.

2. Weight-loss isn't rocket science, calorie deficit is the only way.

3. Lift weights, it doesn't matter how old you are or if you're a woman.

4. You already know what's healthy and what isn't.

5. Consistency is the only way to be healthier and achieve the goals you set in life.

6. You'll show up for many months, and the needle won't move. It's a part of the process. Delayed gratification is essential in today's time, anyway.

7. Make it fun. It'll be easier to show up.

8. Adding meditation, pranayama, and chanting to my routine makes me sound like I'm 60, but I'll probably be healthier than others when I'm 60.

9. I've ALWAYS been skinny-shamed by overweight people. It screams of insecurity to me.

10. It's okay to be the odd one out who will not indulge in junk or sugary drinks. Be a weirdo, be disease-free.

11. You can never 'work out' a bad diet.

As a woman, this lifestyle has given me perfect markers even though I've had PCOD. Good nutrition also helped me heal my acne and get better skin.

Here’s an article I wrote about how I healed my acne.

As a human, I now have a lot of perseverance and discipline, which helps me run a one-person business today.

Even half of my TEDx Talk elucidates how this journey literally changed my life in a way that helped me with my career too:

It's never too late to be healthy; start now.

I'm grateful to be surrounded by people who work out, which makes it easier. My mum has been lifting weights since 25 years old, and grandma is into yoga. You can literally SEE them standing out in a group of people because being healthy makes you look great.

My husband is into working out as much as me. That helps because our home naturally has an environment for working out. When we’re lazy, we’re naturally pushing each other and mostly hitting the gym together as well.

Honestly - being fat sucked growing up and gave me a lot of mental health issues, but I'm incredibly grateful for the journey I am on.

See you soon :)

Love,
N

You know what? I think people really complicate living. Especially us folks living in big cities. There’s so much stress for everything!

You can’t blame them.

But even otherwise, it’s uncool to be calm.

My friend told me she wants to live in my head someday to experience what it’s like not to get triggered at everything because she’s a boss woman who’ll drive, take emails, and attend meetings all while driving. Of course, I don’t recommend that.

I feel that in the age of the internet, we’ve complicated our lives, and we’re slowly destroying our mental health.

Everyone is breathing, a few are living.

I believe the meaning of life is to live each day with gratitude and intention.

It doesn’t have to be fancy.

You don’t have to wake up at 5 am.

But living with intention means you are

• self aware

• designing your life closer to your personality

• are of some service to others

And gratitude always brings in abundance.

Both together are an impeccable formula for being happy, and a day without joy is a day of breathing wasted.

You’re here for such a short, limited time on earth. You don’t realise it, but while the days seem long, the overall time is really short… and unpredictable.

Most of us are obsessed with living longer and want to never die.

That won’t happen.

So, how about you focus on living every day instead? Think about it.

Love,
N

However, I still struggled with

• adult acne

• craving sugar after food

• even after all this work, I had a wobbly tummy

All this when I’ve been lifting weights and eating mindfully for years, yet it’s been demotivating to have abdominal fat that I see when I look at myself without clothes.

The game changed when I hired a nutritionist who a friend told me about because she wanted to lose weight before her wedding. I hired her for a month and we ended up working together for 1.5 years.

After our first month together, I looked and felt so much better. Which is when I realised I was eating so-called ‘healthy’ foods that were causing inflammation and hence giving me acne and bloating.

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The Foods I Quit

Now, I have been eating healthy for over a decade so that means I anyway eat junk only 20% the time and don’t consume large desserts or touch sodas. I’ve done calorie tracking for so long that I have an idea of what to eat and what not.

1. Bread: yes, even the ‘healthy’ kind.

2. Chocolate: I have now resumed it after a year but I could see a direct correlation between my chocolate consumption and acne. I’ll tell you soon about how I overcame the craving to consume it after every meal.

3. Processed foods: no dipping 2 biscuits in my Indian chai no matter how ‘healthy’ they were, even if they claimed to be multigrain. It’s just high-calorie stuff packed in something that doesn’t even fill you so you have it in higher quantity.

4. Outside food: I didn’t completely quit it, but I reduced this a lot. Junk food at home is healthier than healthy food outside, which has too much oil in it and we don’t even know what kind of oil.

5. Refined flour: I used to think that as long as I’m in a calorie deficit, I’m okay. Wrong — this was amplifying my acne and quitting it completely helped my skin a lot.

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The Drinks I Introduced

1/ Morning water

While I used to anyway start my morning with hydration, I now drink combinations like

• honey water

• honey and lemon water

• overnight soaked fenugreek seeds

• overnight soaked carom seeds, cumin and fennel

• overnight soaked apple and cinnamon water

• a glass of water with a tablespoon of aloe vera or Indian gooseberry (amla) juice

I have 3 glasses of these combinations. They’re all healthy for your gut and help in digestion.

2/ Cold-pressed juices

I enjoy them because I live in India which is hot most of the time and drinking these juices is so refreshing. Two of my favourites that I drink throughout summer are:

• Green juice: bottleguard (lauki), cucumber, mint, coriander

• Red juice: apple, beetroot, carrot, lemon, ginger

I have one glass 45 minutes after the morning water.

New Habits I Started

I was already eating healthy and working out 5–6 times a week, but what was new to me was:

• Eating dinner before 7 pm instead of my usual 8:30 pm.

• Having a teaspoon of fennel and sugar after lunch if craving sugar.

• If I want dessert, then I consume it before 4 pm.

• Eating Indian breads that are a mix of grains so instead of just wheat flour, I had flours like ragi, jowar, bajra, rajgira, etc.

• Taking a 45-minute break between water and food.

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How I Felt in a Month

I was obviously annoyed that I’ve spent $$$ on my acne treatments yet it took a nutritionist to fix it in only a month!

However, I was

• Feeling more energetic.

• Didn’t crave outside food or sugar.

• Happy about looking much leaner.

• Feel more connected to my food.

• Chewed slower and enjoyed more.

• Got a flat stomach which I couldn’t believe happened.

• Realised I don’t need to eat so much and ate only till 80% full.

• Didn’t even want outside food as a reward because eating so clean made me feel greasy when I ate junk.

I went on with the nutritionist for 1.5 years. Starting 2025, I continued my own thing because I felt I’d been conditioned anyway to make the right choice. And unless I don’t get my acne back, I know I’m on the right path because my gut is healthy.

A lot of times with the nutritionist my mind’s calorie calculator would go bonkers thinking;

• Why am I eating rice at night?

• Isn’t this food high-calorie?

• Aren’t dates so high in sugar?

• Why are we not counting calories?

Because this is how I functioned when I was on a journey to drop 25kgs.

But she told me to trust the process and enjoy nature’s food instead of overthinking it.

And it worked. I now have a closer and healthier relationship with food thanks to her and hold nature in a higher power. Nature doesn’t harm you if you’re connected with yourself and with it.

See you soon!

Love,

N

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While I usually travel for 8 weeks a year as that's how much leave my partner gets, last year extended to a whopping 13 weeks because of two factors.

First, I visited America after 15 years and was living with my family. I was having such a lovely time doing small things I cannot do in my country, such as going for a walk every day in greenery, wearing what I wanted, and being around a clean environment. All this was so enriching for the soul that I wanted to stay back and live this life while I could. Second, I flew to NYC for two weeks in November because I attended a Tony Robbins seminar in New Jersey.

It’s a bit strange how you stay away from a country for 15 years only to visit it twice in a year. Life has its ways!

My year started by visiting England.

During Christmas, the AirBnbs were extremely overpriced, with the average price being $500 a night. So I went in winter instead of in the gloomy month of January. I studied in England for a year and had forgotten how chill the air is when it kisses your face. Back then, a double-degree temperature in Celsius was bearable, but right now, I was freezing.

Inflation felt more evident there because the cheapest food I saw was the £8 hotdog! We were spending £15- £20 for each meal per head. When I lived in Manchester, it wasn’t nearly as expensive. But then I realised that the pandemic really changed everything.

Four months after that, I visited Georgia — the country, duh. I’ve heard about Tbilisi for two years because my dad visited it. It was even better than the good things he spoke about being there! I kind of don’t want Tbilisi to become famous and crowded because it’s so pure right now. The locals love you, you don’t have to worry about pick-pockets, and women walk alone on the streets even at 3 am. With popularity and population also comes a lot of crime.

Tbilisi was everything you want a place to be — cobbled streets like Europe, extremely affordable food like Asia, lots of places to eat like you see in Paris, safety like Singapore, and outstanding local wine culture like you’ve never seen before.

In Georgia, wine isn’t a drink. It’s a way of living. It's all they drink apart from a liqueur called chacha (made from grape peels). They don’t bother with the whiskey, vodka, and other alcohol types. They make and relish their wine. Their local wines are truly delicious.

In India, we pay at least $80 to have wine in a restaurant. Here, the most expensive bottle was $35 because it was cherry wine.

We then did a day trip to Northern Armenia where our guide educated us so much about their history and relationship with other countries. We visited the monasteries of Haghpat, which is a UNESCO heritage.

After that, we ate local Armenian food at a pastor’s house. His wife prepared a lovely spread, and we ended our meal with a hot coffee.

The economic gap between the two neighbours was significant. Our guide told us to notice the bus in Georgia and then Armenia, and how buses in Armenia are so worn out. These small things tell you the huge economic gap between the two.

In June, I left for the USA after 15 years. I was so excited! I stayed with my relatives, cousins, mom, and grandma, and it was super fun to have a full house.

My day started with walking 5–6km. I know it sounds normal, but it was a big deal for me because we don’t have the infrastructure to walk in India. There are no pavements, and then I’d be worried about stray dogs and other stray animals. I’d also be worried about my safety, honestly. And then I’m also in the most polluted city in the country.

To walk without thinking so much was an immense relief. I felt so much at peace mentally and being around abundant greenery felt… healing.

Since I’ve been travelling mainly across Europe for the past few years, I completely underestimated how big the US is and how far everything is. I didn’t know that from one side of the coast to another is a longer flight than Delhi to Bangkok!

Three weeks after coming home from America, we flew to the Baltic countries.

The journey started with Vilnius in Lithuania. I saw way more women than men, which made me think of what the gender ratio is and as expected, there are 17% more females than males!

Vilnius was sunny and friendly, with a lot of locals from different countries living here. It was outdoorsy with lots of events happening when we were there including a free local concert by the government that had a British band performing.

We then took the bus to Riga in Latvia. Riga was gorgeous, especially its old town. The food was too potato-heavy for me, but it was a small, cutesy city.

And then we left for Tallinn in Estonia. Tallinn was way more modern and developed than I imagined it. We stayed in the city centre, which had wide lane roads and shiny grey buildings that looked very corporate. 15 minutes of walk, and you enter the old town, which is a small square filled with cafes and bars. There were lots of options!

While we mostly eat local cuisine, I surprised my husband with an Italian fine-dine date, which was spot on. We were the only non-white people there, though. I had yellow tomato sauce-based pizza for the first time.

Two months later, I flew to NYC for the first time. My longest flight record was beaten: earlier 15 hours to Sydney and 17.5 hours to New York.

I wrote in detail about what I felt about NYC. In short, I was too excited to see it thanks to movies and the TV show Gossip Girl. And while it was amazing and had a complete vibe, it wasn’t my kind.

And my last 4 days were all about the Tony Robbins event called Unleash the Power Within.

I ended the year the same way I ended last year — visiting Phuket.

Phuket is amazing.

The seafood is fresh and cheap, unlike Goa in India, where I pay the same price as Delhi. This is weird because prawns in Goa are literally so much easier to acquire!

We ate lots of roadside pad thai and yummy food. The drinks are cheap and yummy, too.

Bangla Road is great for partying, and now they also opened new places such as Yona Beach Club, which is the world’s first floating club (I don’t recommend it!).

Phuket overall is a beautiful experience because you have nature, excellent food, and there’s something for everyone to do. Whether you want some peace or want to party till morning, you can do either. And the daily massages, of course!

While I don’t think I’ll be travelling as much this year due to other priorities as a dear one passed away recently, travelling will still have the biggest budget allocation for me. It’s why I earn and what I live for.

Six years ago, when I traveled solo across six countries, I’d have never imagined that I’d got a bug in me that would make me design my entire life around it.

It’s what makes me feel alive.

Except for the journey part. I have battled severe flight anxiety between 2018–2022, and it still creeps in once in a while.

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Some more travel articles

• I Visited New York City for the First Time. Here’s Why I’m Shocked.

• How I Vacation Almost Every Month as a Solopreneur

Making good money has been a dream. To be honest with you, I don’t think this dream ends because no matter how much you make, there’s still more you can do. I’m decent with my contentment game though — I think enough is a state of mind.

My dream was to earn $1300 a month before I turned 30 and to be honest, this felt far-fetched with the way my salary was increasing at 5% an annum. That was even lower than the rate of inflation in India that year. And having worked as a recruiter in my first job, I knew I wouldn’t reach this mark.

This is until I started a side hustle for freelance writing in October 2020. It’s right when Tim Denning says that making your first $20 off the internet will blow your mind away. It completely changes your mindset about money. And that’s when I took off, making 3x more than my job and calling it quits.

Life is very different today, that includes travelling to over 5 countries a year and not keeping an account of where I spend my money. In fact, today is a Wednesday, and I’m working for 2 hours in the morning to edit my writing. After this, my mom, grandma, and I are going to a movie, and then I’m going to chill and spend time with family. And attend one call in the evening.

Anyhoo, here’s how being financially independent changed me.

Confidence and a stand in society

I think society has conditioned South Asian women to be so submissive that we cannot say no. The generation before us only wanted to please everyone and couldn’t stand up for themselves because of dependency. If they left, there was nowhere to go.

Now, we see more divorces. And yes, that's hurtful, but that means more of us saying to not abuse, violence, and anything one doesn’t want to make peace with.

For me, it just feels empowering to be able to buy my stuff and pay for myself. And I’m overly grateful to have a partner who totally hypes me up on that!

Paying for convenience

I outsource plenty of things, one of them being PowerPoint presentations. The thing is, in my last job, I made way too many presentations that I disliked. I now just scribble on my iPad and have someone else do this for me.

I also pay for having my house deep cleaned, ordering groceries, going to a salon monthly for my newly-coloured hair, and anything I want.

What I don’t pay for are things for the heck of it — no beauty treatments or nails, random burning money, or being spoilt. I can’t be somebody I’m not just because I can.

Optimise for time

Two weeks ago, my mum was on the way to our family dentist, who is 1.5 hours away. I went to a different one. Mom later asked me how much my procedure cost and told me I’d paid 40% more than required because the clinic has been getting really expensive for the past few months.

But when we discussed that I’d rather go 20 minutes away than spend 3.5 hours in the car and struggle to find parking in that area. It made sense to take an hour for this in my day instead of 5 hours.

I also don’t take any calls for this reason. No hangout meetings.

Spend based on ROI

If I know something will help me make money, I will buy it. This means books, courses, coaching — whatever it takes.

I know most people aren’t willing to spend a buck.

This mindset changed when I spent my first $300 on a course, even though my in-hand salary was slightly over $600. It was a big amount for me.

But it made me $3000 in 6 months!

Spending money in the right places gives you money back.

Buy less things

Earlier, I used to shop every time there was a sale. Now, every time I shop I ask myself,

Do I really need it or am I just getting it because it’s pretty? Will I get to wear it?

I think with time, I prefer buying what I know I will wear often instead of buying for the heck of wearing it one-off for an Instagram story. This is easier when, like me, one doesn’t even use Instagram!

I also prefer buying higher-quality stuff that will last me years. But again, I rarely spend on clothes and only buy them during sales.

Use money on experiences

My biggest expenditure is travelling. And no, I don’t even follow the must-go places that are recommended on Trip Advisor. My husband and I just like to go somewhere and do our thing — walk a lot to discover a place on foot, eat good food, visit local bars, and so on.

Another experience I enjoy is eating out!

I mean, I was a fat kid growing up, so food is a major part of my life. It makes me happy and I indulge in it when sad (I am working on my emotional eating now, though).

I like being able to eat wherever and whenever without looking at the day of the week (because my calendar is usually empty) and without looking at the prices.

The catch here is that I have a full-time nutritionist so I don’t eat out over once a week! I’m really strict with my diet.

IDGAF attitude

For some reason, I’m genuinely so happy and content that I don’t care about what others think. Some people discredit my entire work and say it’s because I’m a woman (as if that has anything to do with writing) or I’m rich (lol). I don’t blame anyone, I’ve realised that:

• we tend to project our insecurities on others

• insecure people feel better by putting down others

I don’t care if someone thinks I’m arrogant not to hang out on a Zoom call with them where they want my free advice. I treat my time like it is finite because it is. It's just how I function.

Don’t feel the need to show off

Earlier, I wanted to show if I’ve got something expensive. I rarely did, but I’d want the logo to be visible because if I’ve spent so much, I want others to see it!

Now, I don’t feel the need for validation. To get photos clicked and upload them or make others want to notice me. My dream is to be wealthy and not loud and rich. I love mental peace.

Finally

I think financial independence for South Asian women is less about money; it’s more about high self-worth and confidence. Our society needs more financially independent women so centuries-old conservative norms aren’t forced upon them.

And even logically, with the current economy, we cannot depend on

• one source of income

• single-earner household

We need to break the cycle where we do anything and everything to nurture just because we’re being provided for. Nurturing and love should come out of… love, not as an expectation.

And hey, supporting your partner is always more fun than making them pull the load and/or buy your own Gucci!

See you in 15 days.

Love,

N

It helped me recognise my inner belief systems and my negative patterns that I wasn’t aware of.

I realised that my inner narrative was holding me back because of the content I consumed. And that’s natural. We’ve normalised criticising everything and ourselves so much that most of us spend our entire lives never tapping into the powerhouse of our potential.

We don’t even know ourselves enough to know our potential (that’s why I talk about self-awareness so much on LinkedIn.)

What do you think when you’re scrolling? Probably that you’re less

• pretty

• rich

• successful

Social media makes you compare.

Anyhoo, this was just one of the aspects.

Once I realised I could undo and rework what was holding me back, I believed I could do anything I thought of, and I did. Since then it feels like every win is a picture in motion that I have already visualised before.

I dreamt of quitting my corporate job to write full-time. Everyone thought it was a phase, but I did it in under a year.

Every day feels like a blessing since then because I realised,

So, I always wondered, if one book by Tony Robbins could make this impact, what would his seminar do?

Four years later, I was on a 17-hour long flight to New York City (my first time). Here’s my review of Unleash The Power Within (UPW)

Day 1: Discover your true identity

I entered this huge stadium that was freezing. If you don’t know it, Tony keeps the hall extremely cold because it helps you stay uncomfortable and perform better. I had my cap and gloves on all the time.

There was lots of dancing. Little did I know that in 4 days I’d have an average step count of 15-20k steps being stuck to one seat.

I was also cramped up in a seat and space so tiny.

Okay, enough with the rant.

Now, my eyes filled up when Tony entered the stadium. I mean, this is the guy who transformed my life. If I can even afford to spend to be in NYC for 12 days it’s because of him.

Tony is huge. So tall and big, with a powerful voice. His smile makes you smile. And even though I was far away, I felt he was speaking to me. His energy is something else. That one man has control over 16,000 folks like it’s nothing.

On this day, I learnt about

• how our focus shapes our reality

• being an effective leader

• patterns that control you

• on battling mental health issues like anxiety and depression on your own

• how to attain clarity that leads to excellence

• leading a fulfilling life

• why do people do what they do

And when I say learnt, I don’t mean they were just lectures. This is the surface level, basically the headings in my notes lol. This was a 17-hour day (9 am-2 am) so there was lots of journalling and exercises with people around us.

Lots of hi-5s and hugs too!

The highlight of Day 1: Firewalk

When I got to know that we do the firewalk on the first day, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to do it. I don’t have it in me to do such stuff.

I don’t even want to do skydiving or bungee jumping because I’m too much of a chicken for it.

We spent the entire day discovering our patterns and shaping them and in the evening we learnt how you can take charge of your energy.

So basically, you have control over your life if you just control your physiology and energy.

In the evening, we learnt how can we tap into our individual quirks to take charge of our energy. We meditated several times to feel it, absorb it, and be strong enough to switch into it by just clenching our hands.

Little did I know that all this was a prep for what was going to start at 1 am 🔥

Many of these meditations and visualisations felt like minutes but lasted an hour!

Firewalk time

There was a 6ft long path with burning coal.

There were about 32 of these strips to accommodate everyone. They told us that the team would only let us walk if they felt you’re confident because a change in our state would change everything.

What is a state, you may ask? Think of something negative, something that makes you upset or angry, and talk. You’ll notice that your back rounds, your breath is shallow, and your voice is soft and muffled. Now - a change in our physiology changes how we feel, behave, and shape our reality. Science says that something as simple as straightening your back makes you feel more confident and calm.

We spent hours creating a really, really high state. A state mentally and physically that makes you feel more confident than ever before.

Honestly… I felt myself losing my state.

Suddenly a loser behaviour got in me. I was the only kid in playschool who kept standing in a race and started crying instead of running. And then I realised I’m not that anymore. I clenched my fist, got my state back (this is what we learnt the last few hours), and walked confidently - this showed me that we can quickly change our state whenever we want to.

And then my feet felt like I’ve burnt them! Even though they sprayed fire extinguishers on my feet in case any tiny pieces of coal were stuck between my toes.

I thought of all the remarks I’d get from friends and family for being stupid,

“What else did you think would happen on burning coal?! Of course you’ll burn your feet!

It was 2 am and I didn’t know if my friend’s house would have any aloe vera gel. I also didn’t want to trouble anyone so I just went to the first aid booth. Dipped my feet in freezing water, in the freezing weather. It was cute how the nurse said I was really anxious and was helping me calm down and I had to explain that I’m from a tropical country and I’m simply freezing with my feet in ice-cold water and weather.

My feet were fine. Not even a tiny burn or redness.

In all honesty, they did hurt while walking when I reached home. You know, while walking from my bed to the washroom. But when I woke up, my body felt nothing.

Hey, see my firewalk victory photo:

Day 2: Create unstoppable momentum

This is the day Tony doesn’t come but a range of speakers do. My favourite was hands down Joseph McClendon III. He’s probably one of the best speakers I have EVER come across, even if I count the folks I see online.

His humour, storytelling, energy, and how he roasts the crowd and Tony is amazing. He keeps you glued to what he’s talking about and gives me the tough-love guy vibe.

There were other speakers too but Joe stole the show for me.

Now that we had tapped into our inner patterns yesterday and learned to get in an ideal state, today was about lasting change.

Here’s a snapshot of my journal:

We also worked on goals across areas like wealth, work, personal, health, relationships, etc. How we want to be and how to get there. The worksheet below helped:

Again, this is just the gist of it but at least this day went on for only 9 hours.

I enjoyed Joe’s exercises a lot because

• Today was lighter, it was more about sustaining change and figuring out what is holding us back from attaining our best goals

• I was super comfy sitting in the front row of my section so my extra-long legs at least had space

• I danced a lot more because I was comfortable

• I MADE A FRIEND - and this made all the difference. It made three days so full of laughter for me!

.

Day 3: Transformation day!!!

Today was THE day.

It started super early.

Everyone already told us about how intense it’ll be.

What I liked was learning about 3 principles of mastery:

1. Models

2. Total immersion

3. Spaced repetition

But this was only the beginning.

We did priming, Tony’s morning routine that he recommends to set a tone for the day. Personally, I won’t be doing it because it’s similar to my existing routine and I think mine is a tad bit better. It includes:

• Bhastrika Pranayama (not sure if anybody there knew its that lol)

• gratitude

• visualisation

It’s about 10-15 minutes.

Now my routine includes (in this order):

• gratitude journaling

• kapalbhatti pranayama (similar to the one in priming, without raising arms)

• anulom vilom pranayama (alternate nostril breathing)

• AUM chanting

• 10min meditation via Headspace app

• reciting affirmations

This day was intense because now that we know our fears and patterns and have learnt about lasting change, it was time to dig deeper into this one last time.

I’m only mentioning the highlight of my day as the day itself was 14 hours long.

This is easy to read but this was long and the pain was… unbearable. The visuals I got were scary because, in the final one, I could see myself lying down in sadness. All because of the notions I’d created in my mind.

People were open to express this as our eyes were closed and the room was dark.

It was scary because people screamed, and screamed so much. Many cried. My friend next to me was sobbing.

I screamed for the first time in my life and just accepted that I’m not the screaming kind I’m more of a silent kind (don’t use your gutter brain with this sentence haha).

I felt liberated from the tangle my thoughts had created.

I felt such a powerful state of body and mind in a weird sense of confidence I wish I had all my life.

What was disappointing was that Tony left at 4 PM…

Day 4: Vitality

If I hadn’t paid $900 for this event I wouldn’t attend day 4 for sure.

It’s about health but I’ve been studying health and working out + eating healthy for a decade, so I kinda didn’t learn something new. It was also really America-focused especially when they advocate celery juice so much. I drink lauki (bottle guard) and cucumber juice every other day.

Also, it was a bit too fear-based, typical America. Don’t eat wheat, sugar, flour, outside food, milk, and everything else. Ultimately the only thing you should have is vegetables.

I didn’t resonate with it at all.

I also think our Indian cuisine doesn’t contain so much packaged food hence it wasn’t relatable for me.

After listening to all that I went out for fun drinks with my school friends in Manhattan.

Is it worth it?

I’ll wrap this up with a quick pros and cons list.

Cons

• It’s expensive! I luckily stayed with a friend but otherwise, after paying $900 for a ticket I would’ve paid over $300/n for a hotel which would bring up my costs. A ticket from India is also pricey and the daily public transport + Uber wasn’t cheap either ($10 by train, $45 in Uber for late nights - one way)

• I expected more time from Tony. It was a bit disappointing that on day 3, he just left, and we watched his videos instead.

• The venue had overpriced and unhealthy food. I didn’t want to put fried shit in my body so I chose to miss an hour and eat a good meal instead. One day 1 I was appalled they didn’t give a lunch break. But when they did on the other days, every place was full because imagine making 16,000 people leave at the same time to grab a meal!

• The upsells on day 3 were crazy, and day 4 was full of them too! I’m also shocked at so many people who have debt but spend $15000 like it's nothing. Until this seminar, I didn’t know some people don’t pay their credit card fees or only pay the bare minimum. But I learned later that not paying fees, piling up interest and debt, and not having savings are very normal in the U.S.

Pros

• You learn by doing which is what makes it stay. I’m a big fan of reading and executing but this taught me that correct instructions by experts make a big difference. Making you do the right way is a different game altogether.

• The techniques we learnt are groundbreaking. It’s the amount of self-awareness and reflection one learns in 2 years of reading compared to these 3 days.

• The people are lovely and everyone speaks to everyone when they see your ID card which indicates you’re a UPW participant. I always had a buddy to walk to and from the train station because of this.

• The volunteers are so full of energy! When you enter in the morning everyone gives you high energy goooood morninggggg ☀️

• You dig deep into your subconscious

• “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional” - this is one of the many quotes Tony said that stuck by me.

• Because they make you change your state so frequently, you keep realising how it really does make a difference for everything else.

• you dig deeper into the innermost roadblocks that have been holding you back all your life and will continue to unless you are aware of them and work on them

• I had a lot of aha moments thinking of my negative patterns. For instance, even though I am aware of the concept of negativity bias I still give in to it in real life and that weighs me down. It’s something I’m still working on.

Overall, I think it was worth it and transformative. The firewalk on day 1 sets the tone for everything because you no longer question the process. You surrender.

Finally

I’ve tried to condense and make it valuable as much as I could. These days were extremely long so there’s probably 10x more information that I absorbed and is hard to pen down and still make it readable!

This isn’t my best piece of ‘writing’ because I procrastinated on this one for so long that I reached a point to just let it all out.

I hope you gained something from reading this. All the best with 2025!

Love,

N

I type this on a Friday late afternoon. It feels pretty good to start writing these newsletters after summer.

We have the festive season going on. Last week this time, I was going crazy. The entire day went by in a blink. Jai and I hosted our first Diwali party since we got married and it felt like we’d been planning it for so long and 18th October came and went so quickly.

Here’s a photo from that day:

If you don’t know it already - I don’t cook. I don’t have the patience for it and I love to eat. My argument for this is that I like to be on the receiving end of the kitchen ;)

On this day, I made Vietnamese rolls for the first time which took 2 hours. I didn’t even try them because the day went so quickly that I didn’t really feel hungry. Now I know why my mum spends all day in the kitchen when she hosts and barely eats anything herself.

Today, In 3 hours I’ll shower and then go to get a blowdry.

Something as small as a hair-wash and blow-dry are luxuries I never indulged in. My mum still won’t pay for a hair wash, lol. So when I did it last week it for an occasion it felt good, but also strange.

There are some habits we weren’t taught to give into because we didn’t have the money for it. The only time I did it before this was for one of my wedding functions.

Anyhoo - I have two Diwali parties to go to thereafter.

If you have known me for a while, you’d know I sleep and wake up early. I’ve been training myself to sleep at 1 am and wake up at 9 am for 10 days so I’m not a party pooper 🤣

Tomorrow, I’ll see my bestest friend in the world after a year after which I’ll push off for a concert, and then another Diwali party.

Many of you may not even know what Diwali is, some of you are from places that know of it but don’t celebrate it as big.

It’s a big festival in India.

But it’s even bigger where I stay - Delhi.

When I moved here in 2018 after 9 years of living away, I was pleasantly surprised. People celebrate it grand, host so many people, play cards, drink, and have fun. It’s undoubtedly the best time of the entire year.

So here’s to wishing you a happy festive season too. I hope love and light ignite in your home.

Love,

N

I’m finally back.

Refreshed, happy, and positive.

So… what has happened since the time that I was away? I:

• went to the US for 6 weeks this summer. Ended up extending a 3 week vacation to 6 because I was so happy.

• I read SO many books there and walked a lot

• also went viral during this time when big media houses of India published me. You know how much I don’t like noise so I uninstalled my social media apps because I didn’t want to see all this while holidaying.

• travelled to 3 new countries - Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia

• haven’t been active on my YouTube channel :(

A few weeks ago, I also started Authentic Influence - a LinkedIn Group Coaching program (reply if you want more info). It’s been something new, but fun!

Now addressing the elephant in the room - grief.

It’s why I stopped writing to you.

It’s still there, but I’m learning that it will go someday. That day may not be today, but someday it shall.

What I wrote recently:

• a recent health update

• I Visited America After 15 Years, Here’s What I Saw

See you soon.

Love,

N

I was excited to come and tell you about my travels.

My AMAZING time in Georgia.

But the first weekend, I was just 3 days into landing in India and was sleeping and doing laundry (ugh, adulthood).

And 2 days ago, I rushed to my village as my grandfather passed away.

In exactly 7 months between Oct 29 to May 29, my father has lost both his parents.

It felt bitty this time when I visited my village. When we were all sitting together and eating dinner on the day it happened. The farmhouse was what it was because they were in it.

Though we were sitting there ‘together’, we weren’t really together.

Because my dadaji’s comments were missing.

His voice wasn’t there.

My dadaji came to live with my father in February and told him he wanted to eat gol gappas and chaat (North Indian street food). This is also my favourite snack which I’m hoping to eat just an hour after typing this newsletter.

This is our last photo together, it’s from that day:

I’ve lost 3 grandparents since March 2021.

It’s devastating, to say the least.

Incredibly heartbreaking.

I suppose my grief right now is just breaking into tears when I’m alone and craving something sweet all day (which I’m controlling myself to indulge in).

It will pass, sometime.

But I’m not going to suppress how I feel at the moment

See you soon.

Love,

N

PS: Enrollments for Summit 21 will close in 12 hours. This is the last cohort of 2024.

I was in Mumbai last week.

I thought I’d write this newsletter issue on my phone during the flight and send it to you on Sunday, but that clearly didn’t happen… So here’s me appearing in your inbox mid-week!

I went to record a podcast for one of my friends, Dhairya Gangwani.

I also went to chill, go out, and network with some of my LinkedIn buddies who I’ve known for nearly 3 years now.

Fun fact: I wanted to settle in Bombay (the new name Mumbai sounds odd) during my college days.

It’s because it just seemed to be so… chill.

But once you grow up, your perspectives change drastically.

My first impression was how overpopulated it was.

And I am not from the mountains or Scandinavia, I am from Delhi, which is overpopulated in every sense.

But Bombay was something else.

During my cab journey (which might be the most commute I have done in a long time), I’d look outside in awe with my eyes wide open.

Never have I seen so many people… together, on the footpath or road or even in a restaurant.

Everyone is in the city for opportunities, employment, and money. And from what I have heard, the city does an impeccable job of providing for people.

There is some energy in the pulse of it, perhaps it’s the speed of everyone hustling.

Now, let’s come to the slower (and sweeter) things of life.

The food.

The food is bursting with flavours. Unsurprisingly, the portions are slightly lesser for an exorbitant price. But I’m not complaining because it was my choice to go to ultra fine-dines that I’d wishlist years ago.

These places were Yautcha and Bastian.

I also tried a Mexican restaurant called Lyla where the quesadillas were amazing.

Also it was so cool to get 3 types of mangoes from 3 different states of India, along with some froyo on top:

By the time I was done, I was tired out of my nerves.

I landed in Delhi to be welcomed by a storm, but grateful to have made it in the cab 5 minutes before it started. If I had taken any other flight, it would’ve been diverted. If I’d waited longer to get a cab, I’d be engulfed in dust.

The ETA to home which was 33 min became 75 minutes. Our car was shaking and I thought the windows would break.

But at least I was safe, and with a bottle of water. I saw everyone on 2 wheelers standing on the side waiting for this to end.

By the time I reached home, I saw a few fallen trees.

The next morning, everything was covered in dust.

But at least I slept well. At least I don’t have to communicate for 2-3 hours like the past 3 days.

And well home just feels like, home… No other place like it.

By the time you finish reading this, I’ll be away for a vacation.

And I will see you in 10 days.

Love,

N

PS: Summit 21 starts in a few weeks!

The fortnightly newsletter seems to be working a bit better for me than the weekly newsletter.

I have to tell you something that shocked me.

I’ve studied Psychology for 5 years, but even I couldn’t think something like this could happen.

On April 13, I had to go to a LinkedIn Creator Mixer event.

I was excited for nearly 2 weeks because my friend was organising this and he kept me in the loop with everything. On the event day, I wore my pink dress that isn’t formal but not too casual either, perfect for the vibe.

Though they clicked terrible photos of me, like the one below:

The event flow was:

• a bit of talking to people for about 30 minutes

• coffee-making workshop

• more networking

After that, there was an influx of people.

Maybe from 30 to over 60 people in a room. This was a closed space that started overflowing.

There was a moment when I spoke to 6 people at once, all asking questions or talking about my work. Suddenly, I felt my blood pressure drop (I have low BP in general but it dropped lower). I then picked my coffee and chugged it because it shoots your BP.

In the middle of talking, I could feel my scalp beginning to sweat.

Which was strange, as I’m usually someone who needs a lot of effort to sweat.

I began to get slightly nauseous and grabbed my friend Dhairya to accompany me. She said she noticed me getting overwhelmed because there were sweat beads on my forehead.

We went out for some air.

When we entered the venue, a few people asked me for photos for which I smiled. And then I rushed out because I again felt sudden nausea and headache. Dhairya and I went to the pharmacy to get my ultra-strong migraine med.

When I got back, some people suggested I drink a lemonade but I refused and asked them to carry on because the last thing I wanted was people knowing I was not okay. And to give me any sort of attention - I’m awkward about that.

I called my mom to take me as she was 10 min away because I couldn’t drive my car so I needed someone to drive me. Meanwhile, my husband Jai got home from a flight an hour ago and was on his way to my mom’s.

While waiting for the lift with my mom to go to the basement to my car, I felt nauseous. I ran (literally) to the washroom, and started puking 🤮

This was so weird!

That 15-minute-long car journey felt like half an hour. I rolled down the window and took long breaths but each time we stopped at the traffic signal I felt nauseous again.

After we got home I had 2 glasses of lemonade. My BP stabilised and then I ate dinner with my family.

But this whole incident left me shocked.

I just didn’t know what happened, and why.

Fast forward to April 22 on a call with my coach, she told me this was clear social anxiety. In fact, before writing this I messaged my friend who’s a clinical psychologist and she too said these are clear symptoms.

I thought anxiety was breathlessness.

I never knew there was a range of physiological consequences.

I’m now working with my coach to release and ease this, and we’ve found roots in my childhood for which the first step that we are doing is inner child healing. And then we’ll take it from there.

I honestly feel a bit lame sharing this, but I thought I should.

Also because in case you experience something like this, it’s common to mistake this for an illness like food infection as my mum then said.

So it’s worth working on the right things because you deserve well-being :)

Love,

N

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I was to write to you last weekend but something terrible happened. Something that I’ll maybe talk about in a book I write when I am in my forties. But until then, I’m going to work on the knots I feel in my stomach.

My coach and I did a meditation earlier this week where you notice if the problem has manifested in your body and work on releasing it.

It felt better.

I’m now feeling

• grateful for the universe to teach me a lesson

• have trust that everything happens for a reason

While this may entirely be untrue, it still helps you feel better in the present at least.

Isn’t that what most of us do? Leave it to God or whatever higher power you believe in so you can continue having faith in whatever you have faith in, and look at the bright side of things.

Realists disagree with this.

But I’d rather be an optimist because it’s almost always helped me push through when things look difficult and look at the brighter side even in darkness. It’s helped my mental state be a + instead of - and I think nothing good ever comes in the life of a negative person.

That doesn’t mean you’re trying too hard to see good things and never see the bad.

See the bad.

Take a note of it, label it. Or maybe don’t label it.

And then move on with life instead of dwelling on it.

This is another practice that makes my mental health better, to not force yourself to see the positive because some things or events are just not. But to have the ability to accept that and move on.

Try this out, and tell me how it goes.

Answering your Assumptions About Me

I enjoy watching these videos, so made one too hehe:

Watch Here

What I Wrote This Week

• We just became superhosts on AirBnb!!!

• Start an Internet Biz

• I wish people stopped saying this to me

See you soon!

Love,

N

I’m writing to you after two weeks because the last week was so packed. The most social week for me, if I can say.

I attended

• a birthday

• an event

• did a couples evening with a close friend and her husband

• a breakfast brunch with Sahil Bloom, Warikoo, and other entrepreneurs

• a workshop with Sahil Bloom (where I met one of you too!)

Here’s a photo during brunch with Sahil:

And I troubled him for a selfie too for which Warikoo said “This is such a Gen-Z thing to do.”

I went for a birthday on Friday evening, and on Saturday morning my head was bursting and my nose felt clogged.

I thought I was hungover…

But my throat was sore too.

I spent my entire weekend blowing my nose to no end until my skin started peeling off and turning red. Later, I got a fever too.

Monday was slightly better.

And I’m typing this on Thursday with my nose still runny, cough still hitting my chest but at least I can work and do 30 mins of stretching (small wins!).

I don’t know if you know this about me but I joined a boarding school when I was 12.

There, I felt the most homesick when I fell sick. I’d want someone to be there, take care of me, or hug me.

And this weekend was just that - all alone and confined to bed, and to add to that I lost my sense of taste for the first time. I couldn’t taste anything, and all the textures felt enhanced. Eating strawberries only feeling their texture tasted rather mushy…

So saddening that on Monday I asked my mum-in-law and husband to take me out nearby and eat deep friend American Choupsey!

Anyhoo, by the time you read this we should probably be resting as it was my husband Jai’s birthday yesterday. Or clearing up the mess, who knows 🙃

Here are some articles I recently published:

• I Changed My Relationship With Food so I Could Indulge Guilt-Free (and Continue Staying Fit)

• Solo Travelling to 6 Countries Taught Me These 6 Things

Some stories that did well on LinkedIn:

• A lesson I learnt from Sahil Bloom’s workshop called ‘time travel’

• 6 year anniversary of my 19-day long solo trip across 6 countries

• A post for my friend who quit his job when his baby girl was born

I hope you enjoy reading these with your Sunday coffee (or chai, which is what I’m having until it turns warm in Delhi).

See you soon!

Love,

N

I’m finally back after 6 weddings.

The last few months have been filled with festivities and other stuff.

• October: Diwali Parties

• November: Diwali + 3 weddings

• December: Vacation

• January: Summit 21 cohort 10 + vacation

• February: 6 weddings

I’m so excited that March and April have no big commitments.

I have a workshop I’m attending in the coming week and meeting some friends, but that doesn’t hamper my routine. I’m looking forward to some socialising :)

February flipped my routine with late nights, less sleep, skipping workouts, exhaustion, alcohol, and applying make-up almost everyday for someone who loves keeping a bare face. I also didn’t work with my nutritionist for the first time in 7 months and I think I did a good job because my relationship with food and my body has improved drastically.

During these two months, I want to put my head down and work.

I’m starting something new this month quietly behind the scenes, it’s an experiment so fingers crossed.

I am looking forward to:

• the above experiment (it’s a group coaching thing)

• eating jalebis one last time before the chill goes

• reading more on Medium

• starting my new audiobook (48 Laws of Power)

• Shooting for my YouTube channel

I love moving around and travelling. Maybe it’s because Gemini is an air sign for those of you who believe in horoscopes.

But I think I finally need a halt.

To be in one place.

To just be.

That’s all for this weekend :)

Love,

N

As you read this, I’ll be attending my sixth and final wedding this month.

It’s been a lot of fun.

It’s been exhausting.

It’s also made me overthink because I’m out of my comfort zone - erratic sleep routine, too much outside food, exhaustion.

I’m writing this at 12:34 am and I usually fall asleep by 11/1130pm. My schedule is all over the place, and for a change, I’m kinda okay with it.

As someone who gets agitated and worries about slight changes of the needle, I’m working on letting loose.

Flowing

Letting go

Living in the moment

Because the worry leads nowhere. And it’s just so much easier to have fun instead.

I wasn’t aware of my agitation until recently when I realised how much it interferes with my life and mental well-being. What feels normal and sometimes even productive for you can be restrictive for others, and that subtly creeps in for you if done in the extreme.

Too much of something only backfires.

Eventually

But then again, it’s scary to think that most of us will never figure out these loopholes that prevent us from being the awesomesauce version of ourselves.

I don’t have a moral here or a ‘to do’ for you. I can only hope that reading other people’s shortcomings can give you the awareness and strength to overcome your own.

I’ll see you in two weeks.

Love,

N

Sorry, I got a bit narcissistic with the title. It’s because I just realised we haven’t spoken in February at all.

That’s because of

• a sudden illness of someone close to me

• attending five weddings this month

Thanks to the weddings, I’m craving something sweet each day. Makes me realise how quickly bad habits come to us whereas it takes weeks to develop good ones.

Two days into being in London at the end of January, Jai and I returned to India in an emergency as someone close to us had a severe heart attack. I wouldn’t name them or our relation and I don’t have their consent for it.

It was a near-death situation.

On our plane ride back, we were counting our blessings, like

• the person suffering almost didn’t visit the hospital until they got a push

• the night after a 5-hour-long attack, they were scheduled to collect meds where the doctor recommended they visit the hospital. If not, they would’ve passed it off as chest pain due to cough.

• the person was suffering from a cough already which is known to keep you safer during an attack

• reaching the hospital timely and realising that the tremors of the attack were ongoing, so it was about 14+ hours of suffering

The person is fit, has a daily routine, and stays busy.

It was a typical scenario of someone suffering who you least expect to suffer.

This makes me think of how suddenly things can happen and your entire world can turn upside-down. How life is truly unpredictable and we waste too much of our waking time worrying about things that don’t matter in the larger picture of life.

And how our health is the foundation of everything.

No amount of money or anything will make up for it. And to live with deteriorated health feels terrible - to you and your loved ones.

I told this to a friend who told me his father had a heart attack that puts him at a risk of one too. But he still smokes a lot and drinks. This is exactly how most of us are wasting our bodies away by doing things that don’t affect us right now. Because they don’t have quick consequences, we stay at it. And later on, you invite a spectrum of diseases.

I hope this gives you a perspective on life, and the way you want to lead it.

Love,

N

By the time you receive this, I’ll be in London after 5 years.

I remember when I was studying in the UK, I thought I’d visit every year because it’s so beautiful. But then life happened, and my initial jobs only made enough money to pass by each month let alone going to London lol.

I’ll tell you all about it once I’m back.

Meanwhile, sharing some stuff I posted lately:

• My 600th Medium article

• Video: 6 Essential Habits for Indian Women

See you soon :)

Love,

N

PS: Did you like my previous newsletter - my week in photos? Let me know if you did because then I can do something like this more often.

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I’m doing something new for today’s newsletter.

Oh, also I’m conducting a free webinar today on building + monetising your personal brand. You can sign up here.

Now, let’s get started.

My week started by having my cousin brother (Trishan) home. He returned to the US mid-week so Jai and I wanted to have him over on Monday. And oh, the boys parties till morning :)

We had the best time ever! Till the time I was awake we just spoke so much, no music, nothing. Just good conversations.

I also downloaded Instagram and discovered a funny filter:

The day Trishan left, a few (or many) tears were shed and I went for some wine and cheese with Jai to lighten up. I don’t have a photo of that evening because I’m over the phase of capturing everything in life.

And so the days passed with

• a lot of work (I’m building something new)

• My first coaching call with a coach I started working with

And came Saturday morning, where I had brekkie with some famous entrepreneurs (founders of CashKaro, Josh Talks, MomsCo, Leap.Club, Gumroad) and Ankur Warikoo. Oh, and me!

This was arranged for Sahil Lavingia, the founder of Gumroad who is visiting India right now.

Later in the evening, I attended the talk between Ankur and Sahil.

And by the end of that evening, I was exhausted.

At the time of typing this, I’m going to break for dinner and then have my Summit 21 call at 9 pm.

And then there’s the webinar tomorrow evening.

It was a working week, weekend, a working week ahead before I break for a holiday.

See you next week!

Love,

N