As I Turned 25, Here Are 5 Things I Wish I Didn’t Do
And how can you overcome these challenges.
Hi guys!
I missed my last week’s newsletter due to a dip in my mental health. But I’m back now, a little better than before.
Before we start, here’s a snippet of what I’m upto.
Currently Reading: I’m starting my 19th book of 2021 today - Death by Sadhguru.
Listening to: 5 Keys to Find and Create the Perfect Relationship by Lewis Howes (I listen to all his podcasts)
Travelling: I was in Punjab for 5 days and ate like there’s no tomorrow :X
Now, let’s jump right in! There are also two links in the end for our spiritually-inclined readers.
As I turned 25 on June 04, I was a happy person. I took time back to reflect on how much time has changed and how the last few years of adulthood have been.
From having traveled across the globe solo to starting my first job and another job to quitting the corporate world to pursue writing, it’s had ups and lows I didn’t anticipate.
From getting manipulated under fake promises of the corporate sector and horrible leadership to starting a job in a ‘multinational’ this time with a team where everybody was at least a decade older, it’s been a ride to remember.
From dealing with heartbreak with somebody who I saw a future with for years to being catfished on Bumble dates, and from writing online for fun to getting paid more than my corporate paycheck by writing.
This all sounds like such a successful journey, except that it was anything but success and happiness.
Most of it was alone and lonely, and being in a workplace where you’re told every other day that you’re not good enough is mentally devastating.
You know why? Because there comes a time when you think you’re not good enough either, and that’s when it goes downhill.
And during my early twenties, I’ve only seen the road go downhill from not earning enough to not doing enough to not respecting myself enough, and I thought that’s what I deserve.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re in your twenties or thirties or forties and above, but maybe you can relate to these challenges and get a direction towards the issues you’re dealing with.
After all, challenges are seldom age-specific and more human-specifc.
1. Seeking validation
None of your likes, followers, and stats matter. That’s the hard truth. I had over 55k followers on one platform and over 10k on another, and it brings in zero happiness and makes you anxious and competitive.
The worst part? Unless you detach from such behavior, it doesn’t even feel wrong. As Cal Newport rightly said, “The tycoons of social media have to stop pretending that they’re friendly nerd gods building a better world and admit they’re just tobacco farmers in T-shirts selling an addictive product to children. Because, let’s face it, checking your “likes” is the new smoking.”
It doesn’t matter what you’re eating, the workouts you’re doing, and how lit your weekends are. Take it from somebody who did this for five years and deleted such apps (and behaviors) for good.
What to do instead
Once you detach from behavior to seek validation by cutting chords of unhealthy dopamine, you’ll do things that genuinely make you happy. We all carry certain energy we’re trying to attract and release to feel good, and this energy will eventually find a path when you close negative doors to destruction.
For me, it was writing online. It always was, except that previously my Instagram captions with a ‘perfect’ picture were a stressful place to be in.
2. Dating to fill your void
How many times have you dated, not because you’re genuinely in love and want to grow together but have just dated?
The hookup culture is real, and it’s not bad or good; it’s only what you make of it. We also have access to instant dating at our fingertips, making it easier to give in to instant gratification.
Dating is extremely time-consuming and an investment — emotionally, physically, and financially. And dating to fill your void to feel good and secure is harmful long-term because these feelings have to come from within and not be filled from outside.
What to do instead
Ask yourself certain questions before you get into a relationship. Apart from being attracted physically, ask yourself why you would want to date this person? That ‘why’ would answer a lot of things.
3. Following the herd
I didn’t take any gap between high school to under-graduation to post-graduation. I kept going with the flow of what’s expected out of me by my family and my society, that I didn’t take time to think about what I want to do.
I don’t blame anybody for it, because our parents want the best for us and want us to be secure.
But it’s only when the pandemic hit I realized that I’m a misfit in the corporate world and have always thrived as a creator. From contributing to my school newsletter to various online platforms, that’s all I’ve enjoyed doing and been considerably good at it.
This was a professional aspect, but spending time discovering yourself further will open you to know things about yourself that were resting at the back of your head because you didn’t bother to wake up these senses.
“Our potential is one thing. What we do with it is quite another.” ― Angela Duckworth
Have you taken time off to know yourself better?
What to do instead
Forget everything you’ve been told (unlearn) and get to know yourself and your strengths better, and how can you use them for a meaningful life ̐(relearn).
Luckily for us, the digitized world provides us with plenty of skills to learn, so explore away.
4. Not believing in myself
This is the most cliche advice and is overused because it works.
I was writing my journal in Budapest when I was 21 during my solo travels and thought I should write for a living. I was experiencing things people my age hadn’t and gaining a perspective I wanted to share with the world.
But I pushed this thought away because everybody says, who writes for a living?
Fast forward to now; I am writing for a living only because I trained my mind and read plenty of self-help to learn strategies to get rid of my negative inner beliefs cultivated by my environment.
Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. — Tony Robbins
Believing in yourself is a game-changer and is why extremely successful people are so confident and driven because they believe they can.
What to do instead
I’d recommend starting with books such as Unlimited Power that has strategies to reframe your mind, and podcasts like Lewis Howes, which gets experts on board to help you reframe your mind. These two transformed me in a matter of months.
5. Not doing comprehensive goal setting
Going with the flow of getting degrees and a job is not comprehensive goal setting; it’s just following a traditional track of proven security.
Security, however, does not equate to success and fulfillment.
I would’ve thrived in my corporate job had I hustled for another 5 years on shit pay and long hours. But I was like a hamster sitting beside the hamster wheel, not wanting to be a part of such a meaningless race.
The comprehensive goal-setting method helps you increase self-awareness and map out your career path, keeping your other life priorities in mind. Plus, when you write it down, it’s easier to follow and strategize on how to get there.
“The great danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” — Michelangelo
What to do instead
Spend time with yourself and look for a goal-setting framework to follow.
I followed Tony Robbins’ goal-setting method mentioned in his book Unlimited Power.
The beginning can daunt you because you may have never thought that ahead, but it’ll get easier. Plus, you can always do these exercises repeatedly when you feel like it’s not one permanent plan to follow for life.
Takeaway
Here are some things we can do to overcome the five challenges we discussed:
Seeking validation: Cut chords of unhealthy dopamine to use the same energy to things that matter, explore your flow.
Dating to fill your void: maybe have clarity on why you’d like to date before jumping into dating?
Following the herd: taking time off to map your life is an investment of time.
Not believing in yourself: we have a plethora of information available to reformat our mind. It’ll take time, but trust the process and yourself.
Not doing comprehensive goal setting: find a framework that appeals to you to help you set concrete goals and a plan to achieve them.
Now, here are two links for those of you interested in reading articles around spirituality:
Share this newsletter with your friends and anybody you feel would enjoy it.
Happy Weekend!
I'm at that "Dating to fill your void" stage, so thanks for the heads-up :)
Insightful and Relatable!