I was average for the longest time.
Imaging being a combination of all this, it sucked:
overweight
deep voice
not great in studies
didn’t enjoy playing sports
doing a low-paying job after an expensive Masters
There was nothing that made me believe in myself. Weight loss gave me confidence and good health, but I still felt average because my work paid me peanuts, and it was a long growth curve ahead.
In India, unless you study at the top institutions of the country, which require competitive exams where you need to score above the 99 percentile, you don’t get a high-paying job to start with.
That’s the downside of being in a populous nation.
And even though I had a Masters's from one of the top universities in the world, it didn’t matter.
Right now, I’m a happy self-employed person working for 4 hours a day and living a happier and healthier life. Here’s exactly how I stepped out of being average, and how you can too.
Your Heroes Are Not Special
We get influenced by success stories, but we think those people were in the right place at the right time, hence they made it.
You’re too late, so there’s no point in starting now.
See, this stuff is easy:
think of people who didn’t make it and feel better about not ‘wasting time’ (basically, feeling good about never trying)
make excuses about why you cannot follow your dreams
talk about how dreams are only for the privileged
And here’s what is extremely difficult:
creating a disciplined routine that also helps you chase your dreams
showing up even when nothing is going your way
being consistent for long enough to see results
believing in yourself and knowing you can
The first time I experienced the latter was while I was working hard to drop 25 kgs.
At 18, it was easy to party, eat junk, and chill out. That’s what most people around me were doing, anyway.
It was much harder to say no to alcohol, and junk. It was tough to show up to work out at 7 am, followed by an entire day of classes and more studying.
In the long term, it paid off.
I did the same with my side hustle. And now I’m doing the same as a solopreneur.
The cushion of excuses is easy.
Losing hope is easy.
But you have to make decisions that don’t feel like a bed of roses.
Now, let's figure out how to get there.
Root Cause of Dissatisfaction
If it doesn’t make you feel good, let it go.
Harsh, but important.
I realised the two things that were making my energy leak:
Energy Vampires: some people aren’t with you to be true friends. They experience joy in pulling you down, telling you how you can’t do it, or simply want to gossip about others with you. I didn’t realise that I had a few such relationships. Another way I filtered people was that when I had my ACL reconstruction surgery in both my knees, I was in bed for 6 weeks, and none of my newer friends who lived close by came to visit me. Now, I’ve realised I only want genuine friends and deep relationships, nothing surface-level.
Energy Leaker — Instagram: I was an ‘influencer’ on Instagram, and damn, it was terrible. Back then, I didn’t think it was because I was doing well and received such lovely responses all the time. But I didn’t realise it wasn’t the right platform for me. I don’t want to be a woman playing on vanity when my words are valuable, and I’d much rather play on that. Also, scrolling wasted so much of my time and made me feel less. Less pretty, successful, and rich. But we don’t realise it because everyone around us is on it.
Once I let go of these two, I felt like it freed much so brain space.
I had space to think, ideate, and be at peace.
It gave me a sense of tranquillity I hadn’t experienced before.
Your Appearance Isn’t All That Matters
Appearance matters — before you say I’m being overly positive and unrealistic. It looks nice when one is clean and groomed.
But your tiny insecurities shouldn’t be the centre of your universe.
I have adult acne as I type this, and it takes my confidence down because when I record on YouTube, the camera captures such tiny things. Not just when I record, but every time I look in the mirror, I see acne and old scars.
I also have the kind of skin which keeps creating new moles, especially on my face. So lots of tiny brown spots which, if I get removed, would leave scars, so I just keep them.
It’s what I’m born with; there’s no escaping it.
Of course, it makes me conscious!
But giving it all my headspace would mean I’m reducing myself to these flaws.
I’m more than how I look.
So are you.
Don’t downgrade yourself to something this petty.
I have a classmate who was extremely conscious in school. She was pretty, had a good body, and was so conscious that it irritated us. We were thirteen and couldn’t understand why somebody like her thought so much about their experience when so many people around us had braces, acne, and were overweight.
Today, she’s in one of the top universities in the U.S. doing so well for herself. And she Phototunes (a face-editing app) all her images and makes her face so smooth and flawless that it looks blurry.
She looks great, is extremely fashionable, has clear skin, and long thick hair. Best of everything, if you ask me.
But being conscious can consume you so negatively that you get blinded by it. You’ll keep pulling yourself down if you stay engaged in this.
Imagine – pulling yourself down for something this insignificant. You deserve better from yourself to yourself.
Live For Something
Life is sweeter when you live for something.
Last weekend I went out with my mother-in-law for dinner. She told me how she devoted her life to both her children, and that’s beautiful. It gave her a purpose, something to keep her going every day and make her happy. She’s still so devoted to her kids’ happiness — it’s beautiful.
I live for impact. I strive to make an impact with my work and hope to leave people healthier and happier.
Three years ago, I lived for nothing.
It was an engineered process — work, earn, save, climb the ladder, repeat.
This process had no soul.
But I’m not saying it's soulless for everyone. One of my aunts doesn’t want to have kids because she and her husband love their work and thrive in the corporate culture.
To each its own — but it’s time to find out what you’re living for. Some people call this purpose, but I won’t use that word because it’s thrown around so casually.
Yes, I know I just did.
Lastly
I can add some motivational quotes, but this essay isn’t to motivate you. Motivation can be temporary and may die as soon as you get away from your device.
I encourage you to genuinely give this a thought.
To decide to change.
Only you can decide it and do it. Nobody can do it for you. You can stop settling for average right now, but you have to decide and follow through it even when it’s difficult.
Intention first, followed by relentless action.
Thank you for this essay. It made me realize that one of the reasons I have had problems with "dreaming big" is that I have unconsciously viewed myself as part on one category ("average"), and those who have lives I admire & envy as being in a completely separate category.
Having this clarity will make it easier to overcome the internal resistance I experience.
Your essay made me reflect on my own life. I just turned 52 and have been feeling ‘average’ for a long time. Below average actually, if I’m very honest. The past 20+ years of my life have been dedicated to taking care of others and surviving, which brings me to my current crossroads. Do I just find a job to pay the bills or do I dive into a new adventure and dare to go for my dreams? At my age the message I get from those around me is, settle, be realistic, life is hard... but you just reminded me that no one has to settle for ‘average.’