Hi friend,
I hope you’re doing well.
Before we start, just wanted to slide in and tell you that my cohort-based course, Summit 21, starts in 🚨8 days🚨 Click here to be a part of a global learning experience.
Now, let’s get started. Let me know in the comments (will add a button in the end) if you relate to any of this :)
For some of us, sorry is such an immediate response because we’re used to feeling shame and feel fearful of how the other person will react.
We feel as though we aren’t enough.
And that we’ll always do something wrong.
It’s sad because this shame response makes us feel apologetic even when we’re doing something important and necessary. And sometimes, saying sorry is the safe word to get past a difficult situation.
Here are some things you probably apologise for, but you shouldn’t. I’ll also tell you why.
1/ Not Sharing Your Life Online
It's shocking how normalised it’s become to share your life online. By all means, go for it if it makes you comfortable even though chances are you’re doing it even if it doesn’t feel good.
Maybe you’re just not aware yet, like I wasn’t.
When I deleted Instagram, not sharing a story every Monday captioned Monday Blues and not sharing a happening weekend was such a relief.
And let's not even talk about not being able to repeat clothes because you think people remember what you wore 7 weeks ago (or even 7 days).
2/ Deleting Friends
There are a few people I’ve discontinued talking to. There isn’t a hard reason for it but I don’t think being around them is the energy I want. Sometimes, it just doesn’t feel right to be around some people.
You don’t owe an explanation when your energy isn’t being served.
You don’t owe an apology if the other person is with you for their own good or is taking you down.
It's okay to let go of people if they make you feel weighed down or you feel negative energy around them. Stuff happens, we grow, and we change.
That’s fine.
3/ Not Giving ‘Life Updates’
Remember when we put relationship statuses on Facebook a decade ago? Yeah, that stuff was really something.
Your life’s minutest updates don’t need to be announced.
I remember after I got engaged, people asked me until months later why didn’t they know that I was dating someone. And I was like… my personal life doesn’t need to be announced. Why should everyone know who am I dating?
4/ Eating Clean
My friend Dan Go posted this on LinkedIn a few days ago:
And as somebody who shifted to a healthier lifestyle at 18 to battle obesity, I can totally relate because I was a complete ‘party pooper’.
Rarely partied. Said no to alcohol. Didn’t want to eat pizza or indulge in a bag of chips every evening. Didn’t want to do any drugs.
I’m still that person and I’m glad.
Now in my mid-twenties, I’m seeing more people resort to less alcohol and healthier eating because their bodies aren’t how they were a decade ago.
Still, it's not uncommon to get eyed at when you say no to dessert at night or don’t want to drink a lot.
5/ Not Smoking/ Drinking
Why don’t you drink?
I’ve never seen you drunk!
How do you have fun without drinks?
I guess I really enjoy being in my senses.
For some reason, I also puke a lot after alcohol and on my birthday last year, I puked 19 times which sucked the energy out of me.
It left me shivering and weak, and with diarrhoea as if puking wasn’t enough.
Since then I haven’t got as drunk because I can’t deal with a day like that anymore. It’s my biggest nightmare!
There’s nothing good about drinking or smoking yet it's normalised because it's prevalent. It’s as easily available as a milkshake. I know the pressure can be a lot sometimes, but don’t feel shameful about not putting shit in your body.
6/ “Sorry… But I Can’t”
We apologise to convey
we don’t want to go out
to defend our food choices
we’ve had a few busy days lately
It doesn’t need an apology, because you’re listening to your mind and body before you make these decisions.
Hell, we can’t even take compliments without downplaying the statement or complimenting that person back. Just take it and say thank you.
And for the times you’re saying no to taking time off or you just aren’t interested, it’s okay. You’re entitled to say so, it’s not a ‘bad thing’ to do.
Finally
How we talk in our heads impacts us deeply.
We care too much for what others will say or think, whereas chances are they don’t care as much and don’t have the time to think about us.
And we talk negatively to ourselves because we feel so much shame.
I encourage you to stop apologising for things that don’t matter as much as we think they do and to acknowledge your needs and be kind to yourself.
You deserve kindness, especially from yourself.
I also posted a video I couldn’t share about…
On LinkedIn, because my video editor Arpit made such a controversial thumbnail 🤣
Once again, here’s the link to Summit 21 if you’re interested. See you next week :)
Love,
N
Thank you for sharing the insights ❤️