TW: Death, Loss
Hi friend,
I know it’s been a while since we spoke.
It’s my first day of working this month on November 08 as I type this.
In the past 8 days, I’ve lost my grandma and travelled twice to my village in Punjab which is nearly 500km away.
It’s been a difficult few days.
But they were important.
The first death I experienced in front of my eyes was my grandad, back in March 2021.
I’ve had outbursts of that till fairly lately.
Now when I introspect, the reason is that I was trying so hard to be strong because everyone else was. If I had let it out back then, that chunk of grief wouldn't have floated in me so actively.
Last week, I let all of it out.
Not only for the person I lost recently but for both.
I realised it’s okay to feel what you feel and get it out of your system.
I’m also coming to terms with the fact that everyone I love will eventually leave someday.
While I’ve accepted that about myself (I’ve read deeply about death and I don’t fear it at all), I can’t imagine it for those I love.
And that these few years in my late twenties will be about losing elders I love, which is something I cannot fathom.
How do you let go of all the memories?
It’s a difficult pill to swallow.
I will end this one by saying feel what you have to feel. I didn’t for over two years and eventually burst at another incident.
It’s okay to grieve.
It’s okay to cry it out.
And that’s what the process of letting go feels like.
See you soon!
Love,
N
I'm sorry for the loss of your Grandmother - and earlier your Grand father. No matter how old or how sick, we can never really be prepared for the loss of a loved one. And I don't believe in "closure" of grief or mourning. It simply changes over time. I hope you find some peace in the midst of your sorrow.
I have lost my parents 15 months apart with papa leaving us in Apr this year. I can imagine your pain Niharika, take care. It's Diwali day in India today, and I'm missing them a lot today. I needed to read this, thank you ❤