You Only Accept What You Think You Deserve
This mindset is preventing you from living a more fulfilling life.
How do you feel right now? No, really, take two deep breaths and think of how you feel about your life. How is your relationship with your partner? How is work going for you? How are your days coming along?
The reason I’m asking you is because we’re so busy doing what we have to do that we don’t get a chance to reflect. We settle for things that make us unhappy because it’s an easier option than letting go of them. Life’s too busy for more complications, so we let it be and go on living how we always have.
We settle for things that make us unhappy because it’s an easier option than letting go of them
When I read this quote by Perks of Being a Wallflower, I always feel something:
“We only accept the love we think we deserve”
I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to tell you to bounce back if you started thinking of a terrible relationship you had because this quote has a wider meaning than just love. In various aspects of life, we accept what we get which we get because we think that’s all we deserve. Read that again.
Often the bar is set too low but we still continue thinking and living that way.
Let’s see a few scenarios where you’re stuck accepting only what you think you deserve, and how can you get out of it
1. You’re afraid to ask for a raise or promotion
We only get rewarded for the value we deliver
Do you think you should get more money in proportion to the work you do? Do you feel you’re underpaid? Do you feel you’ve added significant value and deserve a promotion? Then why aren’t you asking for it?
In my first job, I massively failed at salary negotiation because I thought it is what it is. It was much later that I realised I could fight for more. In the same job, I had a boss who’d gaslight me and tell me how others are doing better than me, even though we all did the same stuff. This went on to an extent that I thought I’m a shit worker.
See what happened there? All that negativity worked, because in my eyes I accepted that I’m not good enough of an employee. When raises happened, I got a shit raise. There was no fighting for it because I felt I didn’t deserve it.
What to do instead
The truth is that you’re not indispensable, and they can easily replace you. Unless… you deliver massive value and know how to show it. We only get rewarded for the value we deliver, and when you’ve done that, do everything in your capacity to showcase it and demand what you’re worth.
If you’ve delivered value and then you don’t get what you ask for, prove it to another place that values you. People will pay you when it helps them bring in more money to the table.
Be brave, you deserve to be valued.
You’re afraid to follow your dreams
Have you ever felt that you want to do something drastically different from what you’re doing right now? Do you dream about how life will be once you do that? It feels so peaceful, doesn’t it… you see yourself smiling and doing what you love, having that perfect partner, and living happily ever after.
But then it just stays a dream because your head tells you you don’t deserve it. Those people you idolise and see their life, your mind tells you they just got lucky. The success they have is just for a few and not for you, you have to work your ass off and do things you don’t enjoy. When you fight it, your mind tells you to look around. Do you see anybody living their dream life? No.
Then how dare you?
There’s just one life. You can choose to believe you’re meant to live how you’re told to, even if it makes you unhappy, or do something about it. Now you must be thinking, who am I to tell you this? Just another youngster on the Internet trying hard to inspire?
I turned my life around in 6 months. I wrote some goals I want to achieve and did everything to get there. It wasn’t easy, because I had the same inner voice as you. But 6 months later, I’m a step closer to living the dream I once visioned.
What to do instead
“We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.” — Tony Robbins
You need to sort your inner voice by becoming more self-aware. Choose any way to get there such as journaling, meditating, writing, or whatever floats your boat.
After that, read about people who’re doing what you want to do. How did they get there? Study them. Take inspiration, it could be from your role models or motivational YouTube videos, anything that inspires you.
This helps because studies show that when you try to improve your self-image, your confidence increases which further accelerates performance towards your goals.
You deserve to live the life you want to live.
You’re afraid to walkout
“If I leave him, I would get nobody. Sure, he does hurtful things, but that's just a part of him I have to accept. I can’t just leave him because he does terribly hurtful things sometimes.”
Have you ever been in such a situation? Are you right now in a similar situation? Does the thought of walking out terrify you?
I know it’s easier to read than actually do it, but letting go of what no longer serves you is how you flourish. Our mind loves comfort and our heart makes it hard for us to let go of things, but sometimes we need to weigh the two. And even though we don’t do this too often and should do it almost all the time, we need to place our happiness and peace first.
Letting go of what no longer serves you is how you flourish
What to do instead
Here’s what helps me: if the pain of letting go will ultimately lead you to a better place, it’s worth enduring the pain.
The pain of letting go is real, it's heartbreaking. It also comes with a lot of guilt and loneliness. But if it will eventually make your life better and will make you happier, it’s important to endure the pain.
You deserve happiness.
Lastly, you deserve to live a good life regardless of what anybody else tells you. Most of the time, it’s not anybody else but your own head. I hope some takeaways can help you take active measures to get what you deserve, as we only accept the love we think we deserve.
Wonderful <3